Transitioning to New Experiences

Joanne and I are preparing to go on a mission for our Church; so, we are attempting to de-clutterize our lives, mostly by selling or getting rid of most everything we have, except those things that we deem precious to us and what we might need when we return. This past week, our daughter, Anna Rose, drove from Provo to stay with us for a week to help us with some of the sorting—thankfully. She is truly a great motivator.

When you have lived as long as we have, you tend to collect things that have more value in your own eyes than in the eyes of others. As we sorted through various items, we had to determine whether we would sell, keep, or throw away. Amazingly, we didn’t want to give away or sell much. Our major comment was this: “We bought this in 1980, and it has been with us for a very long time, and it means so much to us.” Enter Anna Rose. She was persistent, actually a bulldog about de-cluttering. We labeled boxes:” to give away, to keep, to one of the girls, and to toss.” Anna Rose’s mantra was this: “If you haven’t used it in a couple of years, why do you need it?”

Well, there are just some things you keep, even though you don’t use it. For example, what about my very first computer: a Kaypro 10 with the first hard drive with 10MB of memory that still works? And what about all of my dissertation stuff carefully stowed away in boxes? Yes, my dissertation has been published. I have earned my doctorate. The data are out of date. And the research may be old and outdated although some of the articles could be used in future papers. Perhaps.

The other challenge with going through things hinges on reliving some of our experiences. That’s the problem with me and some of the “papers” that I encounter. I have to re-read them to remember what I wrote about. Instead of just throwing them away, I have to go back in time and remember what I was doing when I wrote something and the feelings attached to it. Consequently, the process of sorting becomes, unfortunately, a process of defying nostalgia and trying to disconnect yourself from it while simultaneously retaining some of the vitality you felt when you first wrote it. There is something about that first empowerment from writing, don’t you think?

Our youngest daughter was quite funny when she received her boxes full of goodies. There is tendency among some young people to leave all of their stuff at their parents’ home forever or until they need it, which is usually never. So, it sits in closets and beneath the stairwell, tucked away quietly and never giving anyone problems until it has to be moved to a different place, which, in our case, has happened several times. Well, we boxed most of it up and sent it home to her with her older sister. When she talked to her mother this evening, we asked her if she had received her boxes. She said yes, but she also lamented: “You are erasing my memory from your house.”

We tried to assuage that thought process. We don’t think we are erasing anyone’s memory; rather, we are merely cleaning out stuff that we don’t need and giving back the stuff that belongs to them. Surely they can keep it stowed away someplace until they need it. Seriously, who could erase the memories that we have of our daughters when they lived with us?

For the first twenty-eight years of lives, we thought about nothing except our daughters, when they were actually going to arrive from Heaven; their lives; their grades and teachers; what their friends were going to be like (thankfully, they have incredible friends); their challenges; their T-ball games; their on and off dirty-clean rooms; how we were going to get them to all of their games, plays, speech tournaments, etc., etc., etc.

I have journal pages full of these memories, etched indelibly in ink and in 11 pitch type. Some of them still bring tears to my eyes, no matter how many times I read them. Once you write something with that kind of emotion, the pages tend to store it until it is read again. Then, that same emotion erupts through the words and the memories, only to bushwhack you once again with tears of joy and sorrow, often simultaneously. Joanne and I have said over and over that we would love to have our girls return to live with us because they were wonderful—and they still are and ever will be.

So, as we dejunk our home, we are actually entering into a new phase of our lives, one that we really don’t know what it might bring. We know this, though: We will be serving the Lord some place and in some wonderful capacity. Elder L. Tom Perry said this evening during the Church Education System (CES) broadcast that one of the four ways of returning to Christian faith is to engage in daily acts of service. I agree with Elder Perry and the great King Benjamin: “When you are in the service of your fellowman, you are only in the service of your God.”

Thus, instead of erasing memories, we are going to be creating more memories that we will cherish for an eternity. By the way, we still have more junk, lying quiet beneath the stairs.

Easter, Waffles, and Daughters

Happy Easter, Everyone! Our basket came early--Anna Rose and Hailey left their husbands studying and completing BYU projects. Christiaan will be graduating at the end of the month, and we will be there to applaud his grand accomplishments.

Meanwhile, the girls are here, and we are having a great time, trying to figure out how to do blogs better and more efficiently. Plus, we had a great breakfast this a.m. I made Hailey's favorite: waffles, totally encompassed with strawberries and whipped cream and yogurt--quite a treat, wouldn't you say?

Oh, by the way....did I say that Joanne and I are going to be grandparents? Anna Rose is expecting a baby girl in July! Now, that is exciting. We cannot wait to greet the little one--name not disclosed at this point although we are having fun coming up with potentials.

Don't Stay Home After High School Graduation--Go to a Community College

Scott Card wrote recently that young students should consider taking a year off before going to college. I have another suggestion: go to your local community college, part time or even full time, even if you want to work.

Yes, I know that some Mormon parents have a challenge with the idea that a “community college” may not be up to snuff with one of the BYUs. Since both of my daughters graduated from community colleges—Miles Community College in Miles City, Montana, and Laramie County Community College in Cheyenne, Wyoming—I have some perspective from which to speak.

First of all, I realize that young people want to “get out of the house” after they graduate from high school. In fact, many of them live for the day when they can possibly move out. But what we discovered is that our daughters matured greatly living at home their first year out of high school and learned some great lessons.

They both had to get a job after high school. The summer was filled with work, work, work; but they saved up enough to help with college expenses. In fact, with what they saved, the scholarships they earned, and the savings from merely staying at home, they both finished a two-year, fully transferable degree with no debt.

To help high school students prepare for graduation and whether they want to go to college, one of the keys to this decision is this: “Try out college” by taking full advantage of dual enrollment or dual credit courses offered by a local community college or four-year institution.

Both of our daughters graduated from high school with one year of college under their belts and needed only one year at the local community college to graduate and transfer on.

And, yes, when they received their associate degrees, they both were accepted by BYU in Provo. Anna Rose graduated last April, and Hailey is scheduled to graduate in December.

Now, what about being connected to LDS youth while attending a community college and not a Church school? In most community colleges, they can be just as attached to LDS youth as in most four-year colleges and universities. Perhaps, some LDS high school graduates—and their parents—still wonder about “How can we have similar experiences like our friends at BYU if we do attend our local community college or four-year institution?”

Lo and behold, let me count the ways.

Institute—At many community colleges, institute classes abound, ones that students and other young single adults who are not attending college can attend. The institute teachers I have known in a couple of states are good ones. They know the gospel, they know how to teach, and they connect with the youth. Usually, young adults meet once a week. Even after institute, many of them go out after institute for ice cream or just to chat.

Family Home Evening (FHE)—Most Institute-age youth are adamant about having Family Home Evening every Monday night. They play games, they have poetry sessions, they go to concerts at the community college, they play sports, and they do a lot of other things. The bottom line is that they are together, enjoying each other’s company.

Latter-day Saints Student Association (LDSSA)—On many community college campuses, students have formed an LDSSA club. Each chapter is full of college-age students and not necessarily college-going students, although the majority of the members are students at the community college. I know many community colleges that have LDSSA chapters and chapters of other religions.

Young Single Adult Branches (YSA)—Young adult branches, and in some cases, young single adult wards, thrive. The purpose of the branches in communities where the Church does not dominate is to provide similar opportunities to serve in many church capacities just like they would at one of the Church schools and to help young people increase their knowledge of the gospel. What I have experienced first-hand is the growth of many of the young single adults while attending these branches

Other activities—Whether it is Institute, FHE, LDSSA, Church, or even Friday night soccer, college-age students have a lot of fun together. Plus, many other college-sponsored activities abound on all campuses. There should not be a dull moment for any student.

Yes, the majority of the community college students still work in the ever-changing workplace, many of them still live at home, and others live together in apartments. But I have watched many of them grow and develop into wonderful mature human beings. Many of the young men and young women go on missions because of their close associations with the return missionaries in the branch. Many parents have thanked us for helping their son or daughter see the bigger picture.

I think the bottom line is this: College is not necessarily a good option for some young people immediately after high school. They need to work and mature. On the hand, there are those who should go to college immediately after high school because they are ready. I believe community colleges help ready young people for the real world. For one thing, the average age of community college students hovers around 27 or 28 years old, which allows for a nice mix of younger and older people.

In the health sciences programs, the average age is 33-34-years old. And most of them work and/or have families. The classes are very diverse. Often, these classes are full of people who have had real-life experiences, and hopefully our youth can learn from them.

Probably one of the most important things that Mormon parents ought to know about community colleges is the cost. Often, the counties where the community colleges are located offer “tuition waivers” for their residents. Coupled with financial aid and other scholarships, students can attend free or close to free, depending on where you live, for two years. With the cost of education rising faster than inflation, then why not take advantage of the scholarship opportunities and the low cost of attending a community college?

Finally, I know parents wonder about the “quality” of community college classes. From a parent’s perspective, my two received great educations at their community colleges. In fact, my youngest daughter’s portfolio from her mass media program was touted as “one of the best” a faculty member had ever seen.
Another important point that needs to be addressed is how difficult it can sometimes be for young adults to go to college once they have sat out for a while. Unfortunately, it is too easy for life to get in the way of the return to college.

One of the challenges I have seen students encounter is what I have labeled “Pickup U.” Once some young people get out into the job market, they tend to buy the biggest, brightest pickup, sound/TV system, a phone contract , and/or a host of other things and ultimately get hooked into a large payment that may necessitate them having to continue to work instead of going to school as they originally planned. In essence, people sometimes allow bills and life to just get in the way of going to school. Then, unfortunately, some believe “it is too late” to return.

But with community colleges, it is never too late to start your future.
Because community colleges are such a great bargain—for the most part—potential students who have gotten into a payment situation or two can still go to college. Flexibility is a virtue at community colleges, offering courses at various times of the day and night and even on weekends. Thus, those who have climbed into a financial abyss can generally keep their job and can keep up with their payments while enrolled in a community college, full or part time.

And, of course, most of those who do not go straight to college have a very difficult time with their fundamental skills like math or English, which means it costs them another semester or two of math classes to get up to speed. Thus, in the end, it ultimately costs more time and money (tuition, books, and fees).

Whether Mormon students attend a community college or a Church-sponsored university right after high school, it all boils down to choices—whether they choose to go to class, whether they choose to follow the rules, whether they choose to study—no matter which college/university they attend.

President Hinckley used to say, “Do the best you can, the very best.” I think that’s a good motto to follow, whether you take a year off before going to college or enter college immediately upon graduation.

So, when you think of just hanging out for a year before attending college, look favorably on attending a community college, full time or part time, while you are working and trying to figure out the world.

But just remember whose you are.